Judge John Hodgman on Peeing in the Ocean

Dan writes: Naomi and I were married in June. We love beach vacations, but it bugs me that Naomi is cool with peeing in the ocean. She is mindful of people around her. But I think she knows it bugs me and enjoys creeping me out.

Even if Naomi were a fin whale, excreting more than 250 gallons of urine a day, that would still be minuscule compared with the more than 340 million cubic miles of water in the ocean — and she would also be providing nutrients for phytoplankton and algae. But she is a human: Her pee load is negligible to you and phytoplankton alike. While I agree she doesn’t need to throw her urine in your face, so to speak, there is otherwise nothing wrong with Naomi’s taking a bathroom break in the briny waves along with the rest of the ocean-dwelling fauna. At least you are not in a lake, which is nothing but a motionless, fetid fish toilet.